i already hear my dad disowning me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
