How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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