This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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