If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
