Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
