I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
