I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
