I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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