I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
