She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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