She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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