I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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