Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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