question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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