i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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