I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
