dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
