so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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