And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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