booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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