He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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