Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I lost the right to judge tonight
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
