return my video game
Just cropdusted the office
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
