is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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