wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
