You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
