I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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