HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my poor anus
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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