remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
