Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
