I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
