be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
