Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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