You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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