Your dad touched me again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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