He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
