Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
