Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
