Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
