How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
