Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
