I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
