i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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