Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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