he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
