Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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