you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
