1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
