the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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