Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
