I feel like abortions should bother me more
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
