you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
