So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
