I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
