Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
