I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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