I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
