she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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